Post by matt on May 5, 2017 6:39:31 GMT -2
Chapter 1: Clowning Around
Spring can be a rather raw and natural time of year. The local insect population is thriving, the grass is arguably the greenest, and the sun which brings all life is secure and never more majestic in the light blue sky. Surely a vastly intellectual being must be at work. Everything seems in perfect harmony and has its place in nature. These are some of the metaphysical thoughts I would be intrigued with and as a young boy walking home from the bus stop, which was at the end of our street. The street itself was riddled with cracks and cavities from the heavy volume of truck traffic, and like most compulsive beings, I would do my best not to step on any of them while walking home. Sometimes I would have company. All the boys who lived on our street would walk home together in a unified line much like a marching fleet of boys anxious to get home. We’d explore many different conversations. Eddie enjoyed discussing cars and Eric was into skateboarding. Being the car fanatic I was, Eddie and I would often bore Eric with our non-stop yammering about muscle cars.
Eddie and Eric were two boys that lived a couple houses down from me. They were cousins. Eric was just a few inches taller than Eddie, had short spiky hair, and sagged the back of his pants down, as most skateboarders did. They came from a nice Italian/Spanish family that often welcomed me into their home while I waited for Eddie and Eric to finish getting ready, so we could get to the bus that would eventually take us to school. Every so often they’d come over to my house after and play football with me and my brothers in our huge backyard. It was kept up very nicely since my father would make my brothers and I work the weekends hoeing and ranking the weeds, and watering all the newly planted trees. He definitely valued an honest day’s work and tried to instill those values in us. Eric would point out how intimidating my father could be, though, on more than a few occasions. Once, he learned this first hand. My older brother Alex and I had gotten into our first fist fight and he observed the wrath of my father as he caught us, watching him spontaneously exploding into a rage and hauling Alex off to his room by the throat, slapping him around, no less.
At our bus stop, we’d partake in the usually antics that adolescent boys generally do. Telling nasty jokes; grossing girls out; calling each other homophobic names; putting handfuls of dirt in the gas tanks of neighbor’s cars. Typical boy stuff. Sometimes we’d place large rocks under one of the tires of the school bus, so when the bus pulled away, the bus driver would think they’d ran something over. A child possibly? Or maybe just a neighborhood pet. One day in particular, we had gotten off the bus and we were headed towards our pothole filled street. The plan? Eric and Eddie were going to do something that I had not foreseen would be so life altering. No, nobody was injured or killed–it was far from that.
My idea of Eric had always been straightforward. I can’t explain it. I guess it was simple, easy going, carefree without hindering conditions. I knew a lot of girls liked Eric and he was a good looking guy. Charming, popular, funny, and had courage to stand up for himself. As a twelve year old boy, the fragile bubble of heterosexual security wasn’t something I’d considered or was even conscious of. Nevertheless, on this day our harmless neighborhood antics became something more. Eric and his cousin decided they were going to playfully moon a few oncoming cars in traffic, and I as glanced down beside me at Eric’s tender round exposed buttocks, I had never felt so aroused. I found it hard to breathe and felt like I was turning redder than a stop sign. I was embarrassed. I tried desperately to hide how much it liked it hoping he wouldn’t notice. People will often ask someone when they may have discovered they were gay, and this may be that iconic moment. I believe I enjoyed the thought of him -- as he was responsible for my very first orgasms -- but I also grieved for what once was. I grieved for the secret that now stood between us, and the alarming horror of him ever knowing it. I did not know that this unwieldy demon would become my life.