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Post by Matt on Jan 7, 2021 2:29:33 GMT -2
I know it is cliche to say, but the pain of losing someone really close never gets any easier. You just learn how to live with it better. I feel like parents are unique in the sense that they were the first adults you learned to love in the world. It is hard to imagine a life without them. That, and after they are gone so often you wonder what they would think of you now. Where you are at in life. The type of person you have become. There is a scene in the movie The Six Sense where the son tells his mom that grandma gave him the answer to her question. He tell his mom "Everyday". Then the boy asks his mom what her question was. The mom says "Do I make you proud". I cried to that scene. I still do. lol
This year will be 15 years since I lost my pops. It is crazy how quickly the time goes. Sometimes it feels like they were just there. I guess the best thing to do is be grateful you had a chance to know them for a while. Some people don't even get that chance.
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Post by Matt on Jan 7, 2021 4:28:29 GMT -2
You know I will tell you a secret, although it may seem that I am like an open book, in reality I am not, although it seems that I give a lot of information about me, in reality it is not like that, I only allow a glimpse of a part of me, it is not by not trust, it is only to protect me, for not to suffer ... And will you think, suffer?, why should you suffer? .... there are so many things that I have never told about my life, there are so many fears and insecurities that have always been with me, that Sometimes, it has been very difficult for me to get up and smile, but ... you know what??, Cole has always been there (as a blessed guardian angel for me and thousands of people who, like me, have needed him), there was always An image, a video, and just to look his eyes, his smile, hearing his voice, was enough to make me smile and get over the saddest of days ... For that I am grateful, and I hope that this year 2021 comes full of beautiful things for him too, because he really deserves all the best   .  I know how you feel. You don't have to suffer alone, though, sweetheart. The best thing you can do is find someone (Matt - if he's not too self-absorbed) and tell them what is in your heart. It often takes the power out of it. Do you want to know something funny? I always think I am more of a closed book but recently I see myself sharing embarrassing stuff with people because I like to laugh at myself and hope they laugh, too. Last month, the Financial Director at work emailed me this when I promptly completed something she needed. I told her so did not know how much that meant to me. Made my whole fucking day.   On a serious note: In regards to being vulnerable with others, I have had mixed feelings on the topic over the last few months. In some ways it is good to have people know intimate stuff about you, but it is all about who is involved. In 2020 I went through hell with addiction and pretty much everyone at work knows how bad I fucked up. I drunkenly cussed out my boss for 5 minutes and instead of firing me, he let me go to rehab for a month. He had to take over my job. Once I got out my boss let me use his wife's car to help me get around town thinking it would help me be more independent. A couple months later I crashed and got my 3rd DUI. Still, he did not fire me. Instead he worked to get me into the sober house I'm in now. What I am trying to say is that my work has become involved in my personal life and recovery. Celebrating my successes. Asking me how long I have been sober. On the positive side, I have some much gratitude for those who stuck by me through the whole "shit-show". That is fucking priceless - you can't buy that love and support. If you find it, hold onto it for dear life. On the negative side, the times I have slipped up used since I moved into the sober house, I have felt like the scum of the earth. Destroyed. I can't even bring myself to open up to my best friend at work, because it is just too ugly. But here I am taking some of the power out of it. I guess you're only as sick as the secrets you keep. I am going to tell them when it is right, but not to selfishly clear my conscience. It kind of makes you afraid to let people in because you feel like you will inevitably hurt them by letting them down. |
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Post by Matt on Jan 7, 2021 4:39:59 GMT -2
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Post by SprouseBrosFan321 on Jan 7, 2021 12:26:51 GMT -2
And then there's me making the same mistakes, year after year.   Failure is part of success.  That's one of the things I tell myself every day. |
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Post by SprouseBrosFan321 on Jan 7, 2021 12:47:34 GMT -2
Plans for 2021: 1. Don't drink or use no matter what
2. Keep my job
3. Stay out of jail
4. Rent apartment/buy house
- in that order! Number 4 for me as well except that I know that it's gonna be a rented apartment because I could literally end up anywhere after finishing my Master's. 2021 is the year of changes for me. My plans / goals are to do everything the best way I can, but especially my degree. Then movng out again and getting a job. Continue working on overcoming insecurities that try to drag me down. Focusing on the positive stuff. Putting myself first (that's not selfish, it's healthy). Can't think of more stuff now haha but these are pretty much the essentials. |
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Post by SprouseBrosFan321 on Jan 7, 2021 12:51:21 GMT -2
What I plan to do this year:• Stay true to who I am, and stay proud of it • Continue practicing self-help and self-care • Strive for progress instead of perfection • Continue practicing my Spanish language skills • Continue practicing arts, crafts, and creative writing Good stuff. I might pick up Spanish again if I've got time for it or another language. And it's about time I do creative stuff for myself again as well; it's always been for study purposes and my portfolio lately. lol |
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Post by SprouseBrosFan321 on Jan 7, 2021 12:57:43 GMT -2
This is really sweet!! She may not be there physically but as long as you carry her with you in your thoughts and heart, she's never truly gone. |
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Post by Rikki Jo on Jan 7, 2021 16:15:24 GMT -2
Rikki, I'm sure your mom is always with you and takes care of you and your dad ... And I'm sure she's very proud of you, of the person you've become and of everything you've achieved. I know it is a difficult day for you, my father also died 5 years ago in November, but I know that he is always with me, to guide and protect me ... I like to say that they are now our guardian angels since heaven  . A big hug  ... I love you very much!   Muchas gracias, María.. Yo también te quiero mucho.. Those words are very consoling.  I'll always keep them in mind. Me too...I like to believe that our late parents are now our guardian angels from heaven. This song now makes me think of my mom. I like this song a lot. It's called "He Lives In You" and it's from a Disney movie called The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. By the way, my mom loved The Lion King. I love The Lion King too. En español: Esas palabras son muy reconfortantes. Siempre voy a recordarlas. A mí también me gusta creer que nuestros padres difuntos ahora son nuestros ángeles guardianes desde el cielo. Ahora esta canción me hace pensar en mi mamá. Me gusta mucho esta canción. Se llama "Él vive en ti" (he escuchado muchas veces la versión de Hispanoamérica), y es de una película de Disney que se llama The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. ( El Rey León II: El reino de Simba en Hispanoamérica; El Rey León II: El tesoro de Simba en España — Fuente: es.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_King_II:_Simba%27s_Pride ) Por cierto, a mi mamá le encantaba El Rey León. A mí también me encanta El Rey León. De Hispanoamérica: De España: |
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Post by María on Jan 7, 2021 19:52:56 GMT -2
Maria, my aunt shared that same meme on Facebook this week. It is just missing the dialog your's has. I guess it is pretty much self-explanatory, though.  How funny that the same message has reached us both through a family member or friend (lol) ... you're right that meme speaks for itself without need a phrase, what made it the most funny was not the phrase itself, went the scared face that all had looking at the door of the new year ... jijiji |
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Post by María on Jan 7, 2021 20:00:20 GMT -2
Matt, do I tell you a secret?? ... but, don't tell anyone  , like you I will make the same mistake for another year, not only because I can't imagine my life without Cole Sprouse, but also because one more year he He was responsible for cheering me up many of the days that I was a bit screwed up, because just seeing her beautiful little face and her tender smile made me forget everything and I couldn't help but smile  .  We are repeat offenders, Maria. My motto is: I learned so much from my mistakes, I think I'll make some more! What is truly perplexing is continuing to make the "same" fucking miserable mistake over and over, again and again, into the gates of insanity... Yep, I still have my library of various Cole pics that offer solace. Often times, daily. Sometimes I pull them up if I have to make a stressful call. They are familiar faces that are there for me and I know they only want me to succeed. Jeez, I'm such a wierdo. I guess we're gettin' honest here.  Yes, we are repeat offenders, Matt ... and I could never say it with more beautiful words than the ones you have used to express it, it is a really impressive way of saying it   ... And the truth is that I think we will be old people and we will continue thinking about Cole, and in the beautiful moments that we enjoy thanks to him ... don't you think? I have my computer and mobile phone full of photos of Cole, I love to look at them whenever I have a difficult day ... And of course you are not strange, he is the best medicine for our soul . |
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Post by María on Jan 7, 2021 20:39:26 GMT -2
You know I will tell you a secret, although it may seem that I am like an open book, in reality I am not, although it seems that I give a lot of information about me, in reality it is not like that, I only allow a glimpse of a part of me, it is not by not trust, it is only to protect me, for not to suffer ... And will you think, suffer?, why should you suffer? .... there are so many things that I have never told about my life, there are so many fears and insecurities that have always been with me, that Sometimes, it has been very difficult for me to get up and smile, but ... you know what??, Cole has always been there (as a blessed guardian angel for me and thousands of people who, like me, have needed him), there was always An image, a video, and just to look his eyes, his smile, hearing his voice, was enough to make me smile and get over the saddest of days ... For that I am grateful, and I hope that this year 2021 comes full of beautiful things for him too, because he really deserves all the best . I know how you feel. You don't have to suffer alone, though, sweetheart. The best thing you can do is find someone (Matt - if he's not too self-absorbed) and tell them what is in your heart. It often takes the power out of it. Do you want to know something funny? I always think I am more of a closed book but recently I see myself sharing embarrassing stuff with people because I like to laugh at myself and hope they laugh, too. Last month, the Financial Director at work emailed me this when I promptly completed something she needed. I told her so did not know how much that meant to me. Made my whole fucking day. On a serious note: In regards to being vulnerable with others, I have had mixed feelings on the topic over the last few months. In some ways it is good to have people know intimate stuff about you, but it is all about who is involved. In 2020 I went through hell with addiction and pretty much everyone at work knows how bad I fucked up. I drunkenly cussed out my boss for 5 minutes and instead of firing me, he let me go to rehab for a month. He had to take over my job. Once I got out my boss let me use his wife's car to help me get around town thinking it would help me be more independent. A couple months later I crashed and got my 3rd DUI. Still, he did not fire me. Instead he worked to get me into the sober house I'm in now. What I am trying to say is that my work has become involved in my personal life and recovery. Celebrating my successes. Asking me how long I have been sober. On the positive side, I have some much gratitude for those who stuck by me through the whole "shit-show". That is fucking priceless - you can't buy that love and support. If you find it, hold onto it for dear life. On the negative side, the times I have slipped up used since I moved into the sober house, I have felt like the scum of the earth. Destroyed. I can't even bring myself to open up to my best friend at work, because it is just too ugly. But here I am taking some of the power out of it. I guess you're only as sick as the secrets you keep. I am going to tell them when it is right, but not to selfishly clear my conscience. It kind of makes you afraid to let people in because you feel like you will inevitably hurt them by letting them down. Actually with you if I am a true open book, Matt ... you are the only one who really knows everything about me, and I am so sincerely grateful to have found such a great and loyal friend here, I never thought that I could open myself to someone like with you... You don't know how much I love you for always being there ... Te quiero!! You are right sometimes you are afraid to trust someone because you think that you will inevitably hurt them by letting them down ... but, it can also happen that you feel let them down because have hurt you someone you trusted, that really is more difficult digest. As for your boss and co-workers, I think you are very fortunate to have found such a wonderful group of people in your life, who have been and are with you during your difficult moments, you are right, their support is priceless ... It is also true that when you find a person or people who help you face your mistakes to try to solve them, no matter how many times you get confused and commit them, these are the people you have to value the most because you know that they will always support you. , really they are like a family to you, and that's really nice ... But, I also want you to be clear that there is great potential within you, and they have seen it too ... You should always believe in yourself, because not only do you have great potential you are also a well of infinite goodness, my sweet Matt |
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Post by María on Jan 7, 2021 20:57:33 GMT -2
Rikki, I'm sure your mom is always with you and takes care of you and your dad ... And I'm sure she's very proud of you, of the person you've become and of everything you've achieved. I know it is a difficult day for you, my father also died 5 years ago in November, but I know that he is always with me, to guide and protect me ... I like to say that they are now our guardian angels since heaven . A big hug ... I love you very much! Muchas gracias, María.. Yo también te quiero mucho.. Those words are very consoling. I'll always keep them in mind. Me too...I like to believe that our late parents are now our guardian angels from heaven. This song now makes me think of my mom. I like this song a lot. It's called "He Lives In You" and it's from a Disney movie called The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. By the way, my mom loved The Lion King. I love The Lion King too. En español: Esas palabras son muy reconfortantes. Siempre voy a recordarlas. A mí también me gusta creer que nuestros padres difuntos ahora son nuestros ángeles guardianes desde el cielo. Ahora esta canción me hace pensar en mi mamá. Me gusta mucho esta canción. Se llama "Él vive en ti" (he escuchado muchas veces la versión de Hispanoamérica), y es de una película de Disney que se llama The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. ( El Rey León II: El reino de Simba en Hispanoamérica; El Rey León II: El tesoro de Simba en España — Fuente: es.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_King_II:_Simba%27s_Pride ) Por cierto, a mi mamá le encantaba El Rey León. A mí también me encanta El Rey León. De Hispanoamérica: De España: I am glad to know that my words have made you feel a little comforted, Rikki It is also one of my favorite films, not only because of the message that the film conveys, but also because of the soundtrack that is beautiful . |
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Post by María on Jan 7, 2021 21:05:12 GMT -2
At this moment I am no longer a person, I am literally falling asleep ... before falling fried on my computer  , I will say goodbye wishing you Good night and sweet dreams .... I love them!   |
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Post by Mike on Jan 9, 2021 4:53:42 GMT -2
Happy New Year everyone!!! |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 3:21:34 GMT -2
Plans for 2021: 1. Don't drink or use no matter what
2. Keep my job
3. Stay out of jail
4. Rent apartment/buy house
- in that order! Number 4 for me as well except that I know that it's gonna be a rented apartment because I could literally end up anywhere after finishing my Master's. 2021 is the year of changes for me. My plans / goals are to do everything the best way I can, but especially my degree. Then movng out again and getting a job. Continue working on overcoming insecurities that try to drag me down. Focusing on the positive stuff. Putting myself first (that's not selfish, it's healthy). Can't think of more stuff now haha but these are pretty much the essentials. I know when I was wrapping up my degree, finding a job was both exciting and scary as fuck. I cannot begin to tell you how rewarding it will be, though. It is nice to see how all the skills you learned in the classroom can be applied to meaningful work, and then you will get a paycheck, too!! I believe the getting paid part is the best.  Sometimes you have to put yourself first, before you can focus on anyone else. You'll be a much healthier person and that is the best gift you can give someone. |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 3:39:37 GMT -2
Maria, my aunt shared that same meme on Facebook this week. It is just missing the dialog your's has. I guess it is pretty much self-explanatory, though. How funny that the same message has reached us both through a family member or friend (lol) ... you're right that meme speaks for itself without need a phrase, what made it the most funny was not the phrase itself, went the scared face that all had looking at the door of the new year ... jijiji To be honest, when I first seen that picture it reminded me of when I a giant spider has been spotted in the house.   |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 4:09:22 GMT -2
I know how you feel. You don't have to suffer alone, though, sweetheart. The best thing you can do is find someone (Matt - if he's not too self-absorbed) and tell them what is in your heart. It often takes the power out of it. Do you want to know something funny? I always think I am more of a closed book but recently I see myself sharing embarrassing stuff with people because I like to laugh at myself and hope they laugh, too. Last month, the Financial Director at work emailed me this when I promptly completed something she needed. I told her so did not know how much that meant to me. Made my whole fucking day. On a serious note: In regards to being vulnerable with others, I have had mixed feelings on the topic over the last few months. In some ways it is good to have people know intimate stuff about you, but it is all about who is involved. In 2020 I went through hell with addiction and pretty much everyone at work knows how bad I fucked up. I drunkenly cussed out my boss for 5 minutes and instead of firing me, he let me go to rehab for a month. He had to take over my job. Once I got out my boss let me use his wife's car to help me get around town thinking it would help me be more independent. A couple months later I crashed and got my 3rd DUI. Still, he did not fire me. Instead he worked to get me into the sober house I'm in now. What I am trying to say is that my work has become involved in my personal life and recovery. Celebrating my successes. Asking me how long I have been sober. On the positive side, I have some much gratitude for those who stuck by me through the whole "shit-show". That is fucking priceless - you can't buy that love and support. If you find it, hold onto it for dear life. On the negative side, the times I have slipped up used since I moved into the sober house, I have felt like the scum of the earth. Destroyed. I can't even bring myself to open up to my best friend at work, because it is just too ugly. But here I am taking some of the power out of it. I guess you're only as sick as the secrets you keep. I am going to tell them when it is right, but not to selfishly clear my conscience. It kind of makes you afraid to let people in because you feel like you will inevitably hurt them by letting them down. Actually with you if I am a true open book, Matt ... you are the only one who really knows everything about me, and I am so sincerely grateful to have found such a great and loyal friend here, I never thought that I could open myself to someone like with you... You don't know how much I love you for always being there ... Te quiero!! You are right sometimes you are afraid to trust someone because you think that you will inevitably hurt them by letting them down ... but, it can also happen that you feel let them down because have hurt you someone you trusted, that really is more difficult digest. As for your boss and co-workers, I think you are very fortunate to have found such a wonderful group of people in your life, who have been and are with you during your difficult moments, you are right, their support is priceless ... It is also true that when you find a person or people who help you face your mistakes to try to solve them, no matter how many times you get confused and commit them, these are the people you have to value the most because you know that they will always support you. , really they are like a family to you, and that's really nice ... But, I also want you to be clear that there is great potential within you, and they have seen it too ... You should always believe in yourself, because not only do you have great potential you are also a well of infinite goodness, my sweet Matt I am glad that you feel comfortable enough with me. I like when people share sensitive or difficult stuff. I instantly want to be their friend, or at least get to know them. If I ever decide to step outside of grant work, I would like to try being a therapist. But I will have to go back to school and I am way to unstable right now.  "But, it can also happen that you feel let them down because have hurt you someone you trusted, that really is more difficult digest". - That is true and it can be hard to accept. Often, in addition to being hurt by them for violating your trust, you also beat yourself up for allowing it happen to you. Basically, you might take on some of the blame yourself. This particular thinking happens frequently with the victims our agency helps empower. Thank you, sweetheart. That is very kind to say.  |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 4:29:20 GMT -2
Rikki, I'm sure your mom is always with you and takes care of you and your dad ... And I'm sure she's very proud of you, of the person you've become and of everything you've achieved. I know it is a difficult day for you, my father also died 5 years ago in November, but I know that he is always with me, to guide and protect me ... I like to say that they are now our guardian angels since heaven . A big hug ... I love you very much! Muchas gracias, María.. Yo también te quiero mucho.. Those words are very consoling. I'll always keep them in mind. Me too...I like to believe that our late parents are now our guardian angels from heaven. This song now makes me think of my mom. I like this song a lot. It's called "He Lives In You" and it's from a Disney movie called The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. By the way, my mom loved The Lion King. I love The Lion King too. En español: Esas palabras son muy reconfortantes. Siempre voy a recordarlas. A mí también me gusta creer que nuestros padres difuntos ahora son nuestros ángeles guardianes desde el cielo. Ahora esta canción me hace pensar en mi mamá. Me gusta mucho esta canción. Se llama "Él vive en ti" (he escuchado muchas veces la versión de Hispanoamérica), y es de una película de Disney que se llama The Lion King II: Simba's Pride. ( El Rey León II: El reino de Simba en Hispanoamérica; El Rey León II: El tesoro de Simba en España — Fuente: es.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_King_II:_Simba%27s_Pride ) Por cierto, a mi mamá le encantaba El Rey León. A mí también me encanta El Rey León. De Hispanoamérica: De España: Beautiful song and I love the context you put it in. I'm glad you shared. |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 4:47:19 GMT -2
And then there's me making the same mistakes, year after year. Failure is part of success. That's one of the things I tell myself every day. That is so true. It means you are still trying. I seem to forget that. |
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Post by Matt on Jan 10, 2021 4:50:29 GMT -2
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That's one of the things I tell myself every day. 
.
I'll always keep them in mind. 
, like you I will make the same mistake for another year, not only because I can't imagine my life without Cole Sprouse, but also because one more year he He was responsible for cheering me up many of the days that I was a bit screwed up, because just seeing her beautiful little face and her tender smile made me forget everything and I couldn't help but smile 
... And the truth is that I think we will be old people and we will continue thinking about Cole, and in the beautiful moments that we enjoy thanks to him ... don't you think? 
, I will say goodbye wishing you Good night and sweet dreams .... I love them!
